


Demon

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-05
Updated: 2002-02-05
Packaged: 2018-11-20 15:40:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Demon

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Demon

## Demon

#### by Susan

Title: Demon  
Author: Susan  
Feedback to:   
Author's Website: http://www.geocities.com/xfox7/  
Status: Complete  
Category: Unclassified  
Pairing (Primary): Mulder/Krycek  
Pairing(s) (Secondary):   
Crossover Fandom (if any):   
Crossover Info (if any):   
Other Pairing Info:   
Rating: Not Rated  
Spoilers: The Red and the Black.  
Permission to Archive:   
Series or Sequel/Prequel:   
Notes: Mulder's POV.   
Based on the song "Ghost" by the Indigo Girls.  
Warnings:   
Disclaimer:   
Summary: 

* * *

Demon 

I can't sleep. I can still see him, walking away from me as I held the gun half-heartedly, my finger caressing the trigger before slipping away. I feel the vacuum of his absence sucking me in. Months. It's been months now since he came and destroyed what bit of life I had left. Yeah, he killed my dad, et cetera, et cetera. All those things hurt, but in that single, stinging kiss he changed my life more than if he had put a bullet in my brain. 

There was always electricity there, humming between us. But I didn't want to see it. I denied it. Then he came in here and flipped the switch, and it was like floodlights turned on inside of me. Guess you could say he made me see the light. And it almost fucking blinded me. 

Now, I'm sitting here like I do every night, staring at the note he left - "Things are looking up" - and thinking about us. Us? Jeez...I've finally gone off the deep end. Well, maybe just teetering on the edge. One kiss on the cheek and I'm a basket case. 

I try to be logical about this. When I met him, I was alone. Scully was gone, at Quantico, and the X-files were closed. Wiretap was my only friend. I needed something to fight for, to protect. And he became that to me for some reason in the short time that I knew him. I wanted to watch over him; he was so innocent, so trusting. He looked up to me. He believed in me. 

Ha. Well, I fell hook, line and sinker, didn't I? What a sucker. 

But that's how it started between us. A tiny spark to my heart. What's odd is that the microscopic place he occupied then has grown through the years, getting stronger every time I see him. And I hit him harder every time I see him, wanted to kiss him more and more every time I see him. And now he is flooding through me, my senses overloading with images and sounds I can't forget. 

He's like a fever I can't shake. Sometimes I feel like I'm burning up in a forest fire and drowning in an icy lake at the same time. I can barely contain it. Memories press down on me, suffocating and overpowering me. It feels as if the world is too small to contain what I'm feeling. I can't grasp onto anything; it all eludes me. But it is killing me. Out of all the things that haunt me, he's the only one I need. I need him like an addict needs alcohol or cocaine; it's desperate and uncontrollable. 

I think of the man. Now so different from the man I knew then, so much better. Danger radiates from him. It pulses around him. He embodies it. And that danger pulls me in, making me dream of what he could have done to me, but didn't. That's his spell. He's like a secret that can never be spoken. When I sleep, I dream of him. Of that kiss, the kiss of a lover. Of the sting of when he left me, leaving me here alone again. 

I swear it is a fever, a sickness. It is killing me. He could ask me and I'd drop everything and come to him willingly, forgetting all common sense, all my morals. Forgetting myself. Losing myself in him. Christ, I think I'm losing my mind. But nobody knows that I am. Scully. Skinner. They think I'm the same old me. Crazy, but not this crazy. 

He's a ghost to me. I can see him in my mind. The memory of him touches me, but when I want to touch him, he slips through my fingers. I try to grip onto something solid, but it only succeeds in making me rant and rave, screaming and crying his name as I wake from a sweat-drenched sleep. And I can't sleep again, fearing that I'll lose him again. I'm starting to think I'll always be trapped by my memories of him. By his ghost. 

Just to breathe the air around him would strangle me. I see his eyes when I close mine, and to see the real ones would blind me. I think that if I could just save him from his life, bring him into mine, things would be OK. But I feel the earth shifting under me as I think that, the world wobbling precariously at the unbalance. It would never happen. He won't change. And when I think about it, I realize that I don't want him to, really. 

But if I can't have him here, then why must his ghost stay with me, weakening me, wearing at me? Why is it that what I need to survive would instantly kill me if I accepted it? He is the air I gulp into my lungs and the hands that wrap around my neck to choke it out. 

I have to swallow my feelings. My silence is bitter, the tang stays at the back of my throat, and it fills me to the brim. I have only to hope and dread seeing him, wanting and despising him. And though I hate him, I love him more than anyone. 

* * *

Ghost  
by the Indigo Girls 

there's a letter on the desktop   
that i dug out of a drawer   
the last truce we ever came to  
from our adolescent war   
and i start to feel a fever   
from the warm air through the screen   
you come regular like seasons   
shadowing my dreams   
and the mississippi's mighty   
but it starts in Minnesota   
at a place where you could walk across with five steps down   
and i guess that's how you started   
like a pinprick to my heart   
but at this point   
you rush right through me   
and i start to drown   
and there's not enough room   
in this world for my pain   
signals cross and love gets lost   
and time passed makes it plain   
of all my demon spirits   
i need you the most   
i'm in love with your ghost   
i'm in love with your ghost   
dark and dangerous   
like a secret that gets  
whispered in a hush   
(don't tell a soul)   
when i wake the things   
i dreamt about you last night  
make me blush   
(don't tell a soul)   
when you kiss me like a lover   
then you sting me like a viper   
i go follow to the river   
play your memory like the piper   
and i feel it like a sickness   
how this love is killing me   
but i'd walk into the   
fingers of your fire willingly   
and dance the edge of sanity   
i've never been this close   
in love with your ghost ooooh?   
unknowing captor   
you'll never know how much   
you pierce my spirit   
but i can't touch you   
can you hear it a cry to be free   
or i'm forever under lock and key   
as you pass through me now   
i see your face before me   
i would launch a thousand ships   
to bring your heart back to my island   
as the sand beneath me slips   
as i burn up in your presence   
and i know now how it feels   
to be weakened like Achilles   
with you always at my heels   
and my bitter pill to swallow   
is the silence that i keep   
that poisons me   
i can't swim free   
the river is too deep   
though i'm baptized by your touch   
i am no worse at most   
in love with your ghost.... 

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Susan 


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